As I wrap up my final semester I cannot help but wonder which direction I desire to go. I have always apsired for the high end corporate job and the recognition that comes with it. However I still see on the horizon the liberal job, with a focus not on success but fulfillment.

Until now, the aforementioned positions have been inverted; the liberal job was the easy choice and the corporate was the one that I seemingly aspired for. And still there is substance to this notion which I haven’t forgotten. I believe that I will not cease my desire for success till I quench it in the corporate world. It is just that now, after I summit that peak, I can see myself being a stay at home dad and running a non-profit. This notion in my head is somewhat disturbing when I think about it. It makes me question what my true aspirations are and whether I can skip any steps along the process.

The short answer is no. I cannot just dive into a nonprofit and settle there. I feel that not only do I like the experience to make a difference, I lack the confidence that only comes with the esteem of a white collar job. Nonetheless I still find myself wondering why I feel that I need to torture or work myself to become something I already know I want to be; why can’t I just become?

Perhaps this is youthful wisdom or naive ignorance. Regardless the closer I step towards the working world, the further I feel from fulfillment of my personal aspirations.